Zarabella won't shut up...

Today I have a job interview.

2011-04-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

Since the last time I whined on here a lot has changed. And really not much at all has changed. I have lost 25 pounds. I am getting out in the world more, and today I have not only a job interview, but a second interview. I am really confident that I will get the job. The first interview went really well, but it was sort of just a basic, short, letting me know about what is expected and if I am still interested. I am. Today is the test. They will ask why I left my last job and I will have to tell them I was fired. That is always the point where peoples eyes glaze over, but I think that this time it will be different. These people will give me a chance to get back into the working world. They will give me a chance to learn and improve. Today is going to be a great day.

Anxiety is keeping me awake.

2010-11-01T02:59:00.000-07:00

This has been a stressful month for me. Two weeks ago thursday, I turned 36 years old. I am unemployed and my unemployment benefits run out in November sometime. And there is no job prospects in sight. My mental state has been bad to say the least. Suicide has even crossed my mind a couple of times. I don't want to die though. I want to live. I want to have a life. I want to get a job that will pay enough that I can pay my bills and save some money so maybe this time next year I can move to a city. This town has been nothing but shit for me. I moved here to save my marriage. Did it work? No. I have been separated from my husband for about 3 years now. Sometimes it feels like longer and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. I have these weak moments where I think that I should go back to him. I know he would have me. But we didn't do well together. We were both miserable for almost the entirety of our marriage and going back to that wouldn't be living. I have to find a way to make some money right now. I wish I could figure out how to work from home. I think that would be best for me at this moment. I have been without a job for a year and a half and in that time have become a hermit. My social skills have deteriorated at an alarming rate. I was never the social to begin with, but now I can hardly make eye contact. Second Life isnt fun for me anymore either. It just feels like a time suck and a boring one at that. All i do when I go into SL is dj and stand around doing mostly nothing. Even making poses has lost it's appeal. I think that that part is because there are so many pose makers right now and the popular pose places are owned by the popular people in SL. I guess basically what I am saying is that I don't know what to do. I am scared shitless. In a few weeks I might be without funds and I can't pay rent or my car payment. I only owe like 1000$ left on my car and it might as well be a million dollars. I need help. I have no idea how or where to get it. I need a fucking job.

2010-08-25T23:59:00.001-07:00

No one reads this blog anyway and I haven’t updated for awhile, so I am going to take this opportunity to rant a little and whine a little.
Why am I always the one who loves more? I am never the priority to anyone and that fucking breaks my heart over and over and over. I know that I give too much of myself. I always have and that is a lot of my problem. I can’t seem to keep from loving with my whole fucking soul. So I get slapped down time and again. Not physically, but mentally I feel like the biggest fucking reject ever. How do I always fall for the same kind of man? In the words of a friend of mine, I always fall for the broken geniuses. And the thing with these kinds of men is that when it’s good and comfortable, it is the best place ever. It is warm and sexy and interesting and good. But when it’s bad, when they are in the midst of one of their “down periods” or something, it feels like a knife to the chest. And maybe that is selfish. Maybe I have no right to complain, but you know what? I need to be a little more selfish. I give so fucking much that it feels like I have nothing left for myself sometimes. I just want to be appreciated and loved. I don’t see how that is so fucking hard.
Yeah that’s enough whining.

Purple, bitches.

2009-03-24T00:47:00.001-07:00

So I am not happy with this picture I made to showcase some of my favorite purples, but I have been putting this off for too long. I just logged out of SL too and I realize that that was dumb. Let me log back in to get infos.

The first outfit starting from the left…I love this dress. I have it in several colors and I wear it probably too much lately. It is so lovely though. Lovely and sexy and dare I say, slutty. I am a huge fan of the slutty dress. I can almost not resist buying them. This particular one is from a store called Shit Luck of all things. They have a wide variety of men and women’s clothing and tattoos. They have great slutty dresses. This dress is called Chemise dress in mauve. It’s not really mauve to me, but what the fuck do I know? The garter and stockings are from No.9(the lm I have is being a bitch and not giving info, so I will try to get a slurl here later when it isn't 1am). They are No. 9 Vintage (4 straps) in black. Hot. Yes. The shoes are Maitreya. Oh yeah and the hair is Kristin from Zero Style.

The second outfit is an outfit of loves. I cannot say this enough, but Damon Dollinger makes the BEST PURPLE IN SECOND LIFE. Don’t you forget it. The pants are Low Rise Jeans in Plum from Damon’s Fear & Clothing. If you haven’t checked out his store, you are missing out. He makes unisex clothes that make both men and women look like fucking rock stars. Go. Now.
The shirt was made by Babyhoney Bailey. Another person of my <3. She has a gorgeous shop called GBL or Georgiabean Lately and makes amazing, stylish, girly things with the occasional surprise thrown in. This is the Guino Love in Baby tshirt. I don’t know if she still sells it, but it is cute and a great color. Check her out. She will rock you.
The hair is from Damselfly. It is Aysia in Black Pearl. I love some of the Damselfly hairs because they have a decided bedhead, just been fucked look. Good stuff.
Shoes are PornStar High Tops Multicolor. If you don’t know PornStars by now, you are very new or have been hiding under a rock. They are great and look almost just like my favorite chucks.
The necklace that you cant really see very well is made by my friend Rosie Barthelmess. She is a dear dear person, who I can’t say enough about or give enough <3’s. The necklace is called Open Handcuff Necklace and you can find it at Rosie’s shop Sable Rose.

Outfit three is also an outfit of loves. The sweater is part of a set called Black Lace and Knit Set and is made by my best friend Noirran Marx. She sells her wares out of a shop called Subtle Submission. She is a prolific designer and makes amazing things. I am lucky because she drops these things on me for free. Neener neener neener.
The pants. Yes you guessed right. That amazing purple is made by Damon Dollinger at Fear & Clothing. These are pants are called Low Rise Striped and they come in great candy colors. The plum that you see here are my favorite. They are low rise, but have no ass cleavage. They come with two prim belt buckles, one for the skinny and one for those of us who are a bit thicker around the middle. This is great because I fucking hate attaching a prim and find it buried in my guts.
The shoes are by Stiletto Moody. They are the Bare Audrey in black patent. I have a thing for prim toes. I can’t help myself. Everytime I see shoes with prim toes I buy them. These are not just prim toes, they are the whole foot to the ankle. They are amazing. The only problem is that I have gone to a lighter skin tone and it’s proving impossible to match the tone. I don’t wear them as much for this reason.
The hair, omfg, the hair. This is probably my favorite hair ever. It is Temptress Revisited by Skye Everette Designs. It is huge and messy and sex in hair form. I love it.

Outfit four is upside down and hard to see, but the dress is lovely. It’s Purple Dress 3.0 by PopFuzz. I have it in a few different colors, but I love purple and this is a great purple.
The boots are Spiked Boots :: Stompy Heel by Urban Dare. They come with a hud for those of you that like walking noises. There are several walking noise options. Also, bling. But bling is bad, so don’t bling whatever you effing do. Thx.
I love this hair. It’s called Glitch and it’s by House of Munster. It is color changey, which sort of rocks outloud. I got the Black&White pack. You just click it and you have 6 shades of black and white. Nifty shit right there.

SL keeps crashing and doesn't want to let me get the rest of the slurls. I will try to get them tomorrow, and if I don't or you don't want to wait. Look these shops up. Srsly. They are worth the effort and not that effing hard to find.

<3 Z

Where I'm at today...

2009-03-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

The sun comes through the window and caresses my face like a lovers hand. I am sitting and thinking about life and how I don’t have much of one and it makes me a bit sad. I am finding my strength again. I feel like I can finally do what needs doing in order to be whole. I still have a half broken heart from a man who, I don’t think, fully understood his grasp on it. I don’t blame him though. I wouldn’t want a broken girl either. That is what I was when I loved him. Broken. My knees are scraped and bruised metaphorically, from begging for him to love me. It’s an ugly thing to look back on. I love him still, for different reasons. He makes me think that there is more in this dirty world than just four walls. He made me find little pieces of myself that I had thought were gone for good. I am gluing them back together with superglue. I wanted to be special to someone, but I have discovered that if I am not special to myself, I am just a broken girl. I don’t want to be standard issue. I don’t want to be just like every other broken girl who wants love. So I do what I can to smother this blackness that seems to shroud my vision at times. God that sounded so emo. It makes me laugh sometimes, how woe is me I can be. I need to remember the things about me that make me kick more ass than anyone else. Because it’s there. It must be.

I make a damn good carrot cake. I try to be kind and I put others before myself a lot. I am interested in how my friends are doing. I make art occasionally. I am good at my job even though I hate it. I can be sexy and sensual and when I love I love with my whole being.

I am sure there is more, but that is what pops into my head right now.

PS. I am going to start doing fashion posts again, for the hell of it.

When.

2009-02-27T11:50:00.000-08:00

When I start to weep for no reason and my chair is tilted back and I have your name bouncing in my head as my hand goes down my pants. When I stand in the snow and my feet go numb but my heart wakes up. When I watch cars go by and I imagine being a passenger. When I have 42 things I really should be doing and all I can do is listen to the same song over and over until I know every word and every note. When I bask in the sun coming through the window and think of birds flying south. When I ache from my shoulders to my toes and it makes me happy. When I stick my hands in hot water and wish with my whole being that I could crawl into the heat of your voice. When you look at me as I drive by and I pretend I don’t see you. When I walk around the old people who are moving too slow, but seem happy to be taking their time. When I eat chocolate and feel guilty about it. When I drink water and feel all sloshy because I drank too much and I wonder if I will float away. When I have no one to talk to and all I want to do is talk and talk and talk about nothing, about everything. When I stalk the silence armed with an air horn and a smile and a feeling of invincibility. When I take my time to look nice and brush my hair and not one person fucking notices. When all I can do is lay in bed and wish I was anywhere but here. When I think of driving there and I am so scared that my stomach becomes upset and my hands start to shake. When I wonder what I did that was so fucking wrong. When I love too much for my own good and put other people before me. When I can’t take anymore and just want to scream and smash things.

2009-02-23T16:56:00.000-08:00

It sometimes amazes me what it takes to open my eyes. I have spent so much of my last several years needing other people to hold me up and I should have been holding myself up. It took almost losing someone who has become one of the most important people in my life to see what I was doing. The sad thing is that in all of my selfishness, they were suffering too. They needed someone to help hold them up and I was not there for them. I am disgusted with myself for that. However, I am starting to find my strength again and if they need me I will do everything I can to be there for them. I hope they know that. I am not 100% by any means, but I am strong enough to shoulder some of it.

2009-02-19T16:22:00.000-08:00

Wow, the last two days have been beautiful. The sun is shining and I have had to have my window open at work. I just want to go out and play.

Bjork - Who is it

2009-02-17T16:57:00.001-08:00

His embrace, a fortress
It fuels me
And places
A skeleton of trust
Right beneath us
Bone by bone
Stone by stone
If you ask yourself patiently and carefully:
Who is it ?
Who is it that never lets you down ?
Who is it that gave you back your crown ?
And the ornaments are going around
Now they're handing it over
Handing it over

He demands a closeness
We all have earned a lightness
Carry my joy on the left
Carry my pain on the right

If you ask yourself patiently and carefully:
Who is it ?
Who is it that never lets you down ?
Who is it that gave you back your crown ?
And the ornaments are going around
Now they're handing it over
Handing it over

2009-02-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

I don’t know anything anymore. I trudge on, I have all these damn emotions that I can’t seem to wrangle and it feels like they splatter on the people I love the most. I say the wrong things at the wrong time and I make it worse by rambling on about inane things. I wish I was the girl I used to be before I got married. I was strong and confident and more able to deal with all the shit in my head. I don’t see any of that girl in me anymore. I am afraid of everything. I hide behind this layer of giggles and stupid. I don’t know how to find the me I was or to become the me I am supposed to be. I don’t know what interests me anymore. I can’t create art. I crave it, but I don’t do it. Maybe fear of rejection or maybe fear of what my art will show me. I am 34 years old and I don’t know who I am. That is pretty pathetic really.

One thing that I do know is that I love. I don’t say it often enough and I ahahah don’t say it right, but I do. Fiercely. And loving that way can hurt. It sometimes makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry until it’s all out. I do need to find out who I am before that love can make more sense, but I will and then look out.

2009-01-21T00:00:00.001-08:00

I think I’ve lost my way. I don’t know what I am doing anymore. I am so very tired.

/rant

2009-01-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

I’m tired. I’m tired of wanting and wanting and not getting. I am tired of being let down by people. I am tired of even caring. I am tired of worry and stupid people doing stupid things. I am tired of going to school and not knowing what I want to do with the education I am getting. I am tired of being sick and I am tired of being tired.

I just want to go. I want to travel this world and see and do and fuck and sing and explore. I want to meet people who have never been to America. I want to learn new languages by immersing myself in them. I want to stomp in rain puddles in London and see the green green green of Scotland. Nairn, in fact. It’s a golf resort town. I don’t like golf, but I still want to go there.

I want him to whisper dirty things in my ear as we fuck. I want to come screaming under him only to start all over again after a few minutes of gasping. I want to break furniture and make the neighbors sigh with envy. The kind of fucking you need a few days to recover from. The kind of fucking that lays it all bare.

I want to paint and sculpt things from clay. I want to create outer manifestations of the results of all this fucking. Giant sculptures of metal and glass that make people shiver to look upon. Make their nipples hard and their lips tremble.

I want to not be afraid. I want to think that I am capable of doing these things and be fearless enough to try them.

The wind and Dr. Who

2009-01-08T12:42:00.000-08:00

Today I am in a good mood. It’s actually a wonderful thing because I haven’t been in a good mood in a couple of weeks now. I have had the sads. No need to go into why, but they have been deep and all encompassing. To the point that my mother asked me no fewer than 4 times if I was alright. Today, I AM alright. It has been raining really hard for 3 days and today the wind is blowing hard. I am hoping for power outage so that I can go home and take a nap. Though I did get up an hour later than normal today because, apparently, I turned off my alarm. I am just lucky I always wake up and look at the clock at 8:05. For a few moments I contemplated calling in sick, but in the end I decided I needed money more than more sleep.

I love the wind. It makes me feel all invigorated to be out in it. Earlier I was standing out there and the wind caught the bun in my hair and it felt like someone was tugging it. It was odd and sort of great. Weather like this always makes me all tingly and wish I had someone to…tingle with.

The last couple of days, I have been watching the first season of the BBC show Dr. Who. Holy shit, I love it! I am mad for the 9th Dr., whom I just figured out only lasts until the end of season one. Sawb. I am assured that I will be mad for the 10th Dr as well.

I have had the urge to start writing again, lately. I have this story brewing in my head and it’s sort of been there for months. I worry that I wont do it justice. It has been many years since I wrote anything longer than a blog post. I used to write short stories all of the time. I feel like I need to get some more knowledge before I can write well though. I’ve been in this bubble of hermit that I am trying harder and harder to break out of. Also, I want to paint. I want to experiment with watercolours. I have been a horrible niece and have still not painting my aunt’s Christmas present. Horrible horrible! I need to do that. Just painting will help some of this residual shit in my head. Of course, when I am sad like that I don’t feel like writing or painting or crocheting, even though I have things I need to do and quickly. Time has been slipping away from me lately, though. Which is sort of very weird, because I am usually hyperaware of time. But lately, weeks can pass and I think it has just been a couple of days. It’s annoying and starting to get me into trouble.

Lady Stardust...

2008-12-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

I am having a cranky, crappy day. Little sleep and lots of annoying people are contributing to this, but there is one thing that is keeping me from going on a killing spree. That is David Bowie's The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars album. I've had it on repeat since 8 this morning. I am surprised my coworker isnt going crazy from the repetition at this point. The song Lady Stardust has me all mellow and singing along in between spurts of irritation and foul language. Someone (Damon, I am almost sure) told me that this song is about Marc Bolan from T. Rex.

People stared at the makeup on his face
Laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace
The boy in the bright blue jeans
Jumped onto the stage
And lady stardust sang his songs
Of darkness and disgrace
And he was alright the band was altogether
Yes he was alright the song went on forever
And he was awful nice
Really quite out of sight
And he sang all night long
Femme fatales emerged from the shadows
To watch this creature fair
Boys stood upon their chairs
To make their point of view
I smiled sadly for a love I could not obey
And lady stardust sang his songs
Of darness and dismay
And he was alright the band was altogether
Yes he was alright the song went on forever
And he was awful nice
Really quite paradise
And he sang all night long
Oh how I sighed when they asked if I knew his name
And he was alright the band was altogether
Yes he was alright the song went on forever
And he was awful nice
Really quite paradise
And he sang all night long

For some reason David Bowie's music always gives me a fantastic sense of calm. It may be where it takes my brain. A sort of comfort food for my brains, if you will. *laughs* I'm a nerd, but I'm calm and that sort of rocks. Especially since I was in a fury just minutes ago.

2008-11-06T16:50:00.000-08:00

Today has been a lovely day. It started out a little crappy. The other day I ordered a very expensive text book online and they took my money and then sent an email saying they didn’t have the book in stock any longer and were returning my monies. Well today they finally returned it and I went online to order the book from somewhere else and the price of the book had gone up so much that I could no longer afford it. So I was freaking out because the class starts a week from today. So I emailed my Student Advisor and told her the issue and she was all “How about I switch you from Math to Life Drawing?” I quickly looked up the books and the three books for that class together are cheaper than the one for the Math class. How fucked up is that? So I am taking Life Drawing and Visual something or another starting next Thursday. I love art classes so it should be fun. Though I suck at drawing so it may just be an exercise in frustration. BUT I would rather that than math.

Then a friend told me about something that was cool that I am not going to write about here because it isn’t my happy to share, but its really cool and contributes to my happy.

It’s raining really really hard today. I just want to go out and jump in puddles, but its more fun with a friend and I don’t really have any. I do really. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for, but none of them are in the town I live in…in most cases not even the state and in some cases not even the country.

It’s 15 minutes until I get to go home and that pleases me greatly. I just want to be at home.

Hiccups

2008-11-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

Today has been crazy busy, but suddenly it's quiet and I can breathe. The fucked up part of the busy has been that I have had the hiccups for two days and and talking to people is becoming increasingly difficult. I'm in a fairly good mood though. Which is sort of amazing for a busy monday when I has the evil hiccups of doom. I had more to say, but I cant remember what it was, so more later maybe.

2008-10-19T23:47:00.001-07:00

zarabella has an emo

2008-09-26T14:07:00.000-07:00

Why do we do the things that we do. We make ourselves slaves to our emotions and give the controls to people that don’t want them. We give and we give until we have nothing left and are left wondering how it could have happened. We are deaf to the internal screaming of others. I look around me and I wonder how I got here. How I could have felt so much for so long and suddenly I feel numb. No.. the emotion is hiding behind the numb. I can feel it back there trying to push its way out. If I let it out I will be worthless to the world. I will just scream and never be able to stop. Scream out all of the frustration and sadness and anger.

My hands hurt so badly today. I think one day they will be useless. Along with my eyes and my ears. I will just be this lump who cannot see or hear or feed itself.

I really wanted to be someone you cared about. Maybe even someone you loved. I see now that that won’t happen. I was a silly little girl trying to find her place. I give up. I back off. I don’t believe in love anymore.

2008-09-24T13:00:00.001-07:00

It’s raining today. I have been in this horribly sad mind space for the last few days. It’s annoying. I am sick of myself. But I can’t seem to shake this. I’ve cried more in the last couple days than I have in the last month at least.

I really need to find a new job. I’ve been here for going on 3 years and it’s making me insane. I go through periods where I am all right and then this horrible bout of I don’t really give a shit happens. I’m firmly in the middle of one of those and if I am not careful I am going to get fired and then have no choice in the matter. Also, I am taking 5 weeks off of school. I am so burned out that I cant make myself care about that either. The only problem is that in order to stay enrolled I have to take both classes in the second half of the quarter. That is going to suck. One of the classes is Math. I suck at math. I wonder if I can sweet talk my friend Spike into helping me again.

God I’m freezing today. I need to dig out my winter stuffs so I don’t sit here and shiver.

floaty dicks and cereal rapists...a love story

2008-09-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

A conversation with Allias on gtalk.

me: yes but
you are talking to me
so its like i am there
poking you
Nicole: Yus
me: poke
Nicole: Only in a non visible sorta way
me: im a ghost
ooooooooowwwwhoooooooooss
thats my ghost sound
Nicole: feels a poke and looks around and screams "OMG OMG OMG OMG I am SOOOOOOOOOO Moving, it is haunted. HALP! HALP! Who do I call? GHOSTBUSTERS!"
me: hahahah shush yous
no GHOSTBUSTERS can save yo ass nao
Nicole: that sounds like a promise.
me: bend ovah babeh
i was just gonna google something and i have completely forgotten what it was
Nicole: Um,Ghost sex? Would that work?
me: i could make various parts of me coporeal Or however dat shit is spelled
Nicole: Hahaha
I visualize a dick like forming out of thin air and chasing me
me: hahahahahah thanks now so am i!
Nicole: Better than a huge vagina tryin to eat me
me: and your hands are all in the air and youre screaming HALP HALP i has a ghost dick!
oh i laff. so so hard
Nicole: I made our ghost dick convo into a notecard labeled wut do Alli and Zara chat about all day?
me: hahahah
Nicole: I need to start a blog of our silly rampages like that one
But people would be like wtf is wrong with you both
Nicole: Homocidal maniacs and closet creeps
Nicole: I meant to say homocidal maniacs and closet cereeps care about what others think, not that those are the people we care about
me: hahahah
Nicole: clarifies
me: you are crackin me up today
Nicole: I am in a mood
A laughin yet emo critical moody mood with like silly on top
me: thats my mood too. it could tip to emo real easy but im not gonna let it.
and my tampon feels like sandpaper
Nicole: Yus that is why we have floating dicks and cereal rapers
me: hahahahahah now i am picture that floating dick raping a bowl of cereal
Nicole: HAhahaha
Geez now me too
me: take it TAKE IT slosh
Nicole: Then he got a fruit loop stuck
me: hahahahah
i has laff tears
Nicole: Fruit loops, it's just not for eating
me: oh i just had a peewee herman laugh
Nicole: I am gunna forever think of fruit loops as th3e cock ring cereal
me: them has to be some serious fruity loops to be a cock ring
Nicole: Or a tiny peenor
me: see i was just picturing said floaty dick with fruit loops stuck all over it
Nicole: Hey they all can't be 12 inches long and sterile
me: yeah but pencil dick would be generous if it could fit in a fruit loop
hahahah i cant believe i just typed that sentence
Nicole: lul
I am tryin to imagine a man with a actual pencil sized dick
me: this is terrible.
im bad bad
Nicole: I dated a guy once who felt like a pencil and looked like one of the big thick novelty pencils, I keep seein that in my head now
Cause even those pencils are not that big you know
He was Tiny
But I learned to fake
me: ive only ever been with my husband and he had a pretty nicely sized cawk
or has since i dont think he is without it
hahah
Nicole: Lul
You are secretly holding it hostage in a jar
I know it
me: hahahah ewww
Nicole: LET MY PEENOR GO!
me: i almost shot diet coke out my nose. evil
Nicole: FREE WILLY!
me: bahahahahahah
Nicole: Omg wouldn't it just stare at you with its one eye?
me: then it would project its voice into my head like the tell tale penis. budub "lemme go." budum "or fuck me"
eewwww
Nicole: Wow A talking penis
I would tell him STF and you might get some
me: jesus christ. i have sliced my hands open 4 times today
Nicole: STFU*
Eck
Not you stfu, the jar penis
me: hahahah i know
hahahah
i'm going to put this conversation on my blog
Nicole: I mean really, i would do a dildo first, cause a talky penis sounds like it would be the whiney est part of a man
Now if it were a talkin hand, you could screw it and I am sure it would only be half as annoying

Whatevs.

2008-08-27T14:14:00.000-07:00

It has been a really shitty few days. My mom has been broken down from stress and on medication that doesn’t seem to be helping any. Then she was fired Monday. It’s stressful for both of us because now I am the only one with a job and I don’t make enough money to support us both. Hopefully, she will get unemployment and find another job quick.

I started smoking again. It’s been about a month now. Today I can feel it. I don’t know what I think I am doing. It doesn’t help anything and it fucking stinks. I can’t seem to help myself though. It’s weirdly comforting.

I’m doing this school stuff and I wonder what I was thinking. I don’t feel like I am ever going to get to a point where I can get out of customer service. I don’t feel like I am learning a whole lot either. The class that has taught me the most so far was perspective. And I still can’t draw for shit, but I can make a box that is in perspective. Go me.

I have a full tank of gas and most of a pack of cigarettes and 33$. I wonder how far that would get me. Probably not very far. I couldn’t do that to my mom anyway. I told her I would stick around for a while. I love her, but I would really love to be by myself for a while.

I have listened to the song Remember by Skold so many times in the last couple days that it is firmly wedged in my head. It’s such a good song though. That whole album is really. This line…”I’m tired and I can’t remember…” so stuck in my head.

2008-08-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today I look at the sky and see images in the clouds. Today I sit and wonder. If I wish hard enough could I create a staircase with my mind and go up and dance with those figures in the clouds? Could I steal the crown of the cloud king? Would he chop off my head? Would he look like David Bowie and sing everything he said?

I sometimes wish I could see through my cat’s eyes. She always looks like she is pondering something interesting. Though at the moment they are all squinty and gooey. My poor fuzzy baby.

I just heard a David Bowie song I don’t think I have ever heard before. It is called The Hearts Filthy Lesson. It is really quite fantastic. It makes me think of someone. A someone who is also rather fantastic. I love falling in love with songs I’ve never heard by old favorites. Though it is a bit disconcerting. It makes me wonder what else I have missed.

The desire to create art is so strong in me today that I have to consciously keep my focus on other things. I am at work, taking a bit of a break, so I thought I would post in my blog. But the art, it calls to me. I have a sketch pad here with a doodle that I started yesterday and I really just want to get lost in it with this beautiful music caressing my brain. I cant, however. There are people here and they would not appreciate my doodling when I am supposed to be working. I want to paint a face. I don’t think that I will have time for that until Saturday. I hope that the inspiration is still there by then. Maybe I can do something late tonight when I am done djing.

Time and again I tell myself…stay clean tonight. Yes, David Bowie some more. I blame Damon. It was perfect for my mood and the afternoon. It makes me think that I might have to play some Bowie for the strippers. That was a funny sentence, but I assure you it makes sense. I am just rambling really now.

I know it's cheesy to post song lyrics.

2008-08-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ice by Sarah Mclachlan

The ice is thin come on dive in
underneath my lucid skin
the cold is lost, forgotten
Hours pass days pass time stands still
light gets dark and darkness fills
my secret heart forbidden...
I think you worried for me then
the subtle ways that I'd give in but I know
you liked the show
tied down to this bed of shame
you tried to move around the pain but oh
your soul is anchored
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here...
I don't like your tragic sighs
as if your god has passed you by well hey fool
that's your deception
your angels speak with jilted tongues
the serpent's tale has come undone you have no
strength to squander
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here to stay
only a fool's here to stay
only a fool's here...

Songs about heat and lust...

2008-08-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

The heat presses against me today. It makes me aware of my clothes and my body in ways I am generally not aware of. It makes my lips and fingertips sensitive. Eating a pretzel becomes an erotic experience. Everybody seems to be moving slower today. We are not used to the air being so heavy. I blame the heat, but I have been in a state for several days now. Breath slightly heavy, nipples hard, bottom lip clamped between teeth.

I can’t concentrate. I should be working, but all I can think about is the heat. I am listening to some music made by a band who’s singer is a guy I know, sort of.. ahahah. It’s really good stuff. Sins of Lust is the name of the band. It’s not really helping my state of mind however. It’s good music that I could see moving against another body to.

A breeze just came in through the window. It was cool and lovely and yet still felt like a caress. I am in a bad way. * laughs*

I really don't know what to say...

2008-08-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been in this state of sadness. I have cried my rivers of tears and brought people down with me. I am tired of the sad and that is making me angry. So from the sad emerges the bitch. The bitch is not interested in people. I am just wanting to be alone with my rage and maybe create some art. I say that, but at the same time I feel lonely. Stupid complex emotions.

The Dresden Dolls...oh how i loves them

2008-07-30T10:04:00.001-07:00

"Good Day"

So you don't want to hear about my good song?
And you don't want to hear about how i am getting on
With all the things that i can get done
The sun is in the sky & i am by my lonesome
So you don't want to hear about my good day?
You have better things to do than to hear me say

God its been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
I took out the trash today and i'm on fire...

So you don't want to hear about my good friends?
You don't have the guts to take the truth or consequence
Success is in the eye of the beholder
And its looking even better over your cold shoulder

I'm not suggesting you get to line me up for questioning
But Jesus think about the bridges you are burning
And i'm betting
That even though you knew it from the start
You'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart

So go ahead and talk about your bad day...
I want all the details of the pain and misery
That you are inflicting on the others
I consider them my sisters and I want their numbers

God its been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
I took up croquet today and i'm on fire

I picked up the pieces of my broken ego
I have finally made my peace as far as you and me go
But i'd love to have you up to see the place
& i'd like to do more than survive i'd like to rub it in your face.....

Hey! its been a lovely day! everything's been going my way
I had so much fun today and i'm on fire
God it's been a lovely day everything's been going my way
Ever since you went away hey i'm on fire.....
I'm on fire...
I'm on fire...
So you don't want to hear about my good day?

random pig lyrics...for muh arts

2008-07-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

Absolved in absinthes eye
My crippled crew in carnage cry
One more drink or surely die
Now steer me through that needle's eye

The Beginning is the end is the beginning...

2008-07-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Sorrow sent me this song today by the Smashing Pumpkins. It brings to mind superheros like Batman, but it also brings Sorrow to mind. It's a fantastically emotional song.

Send a heartbeat to
The void that cries through you
Relive the pictures that have come to pass
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And we are flesh and blood disintegrate
With no more to hate

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Delivered from the blast
The last of a line of lasts
The pale princess of a palace cracked
And now the kingdom comes
Crashing down undone
And I am a master of a nothing place
Of recoil and grace

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain

Time has stopped before us
The sky cannot ignore us
No one can separate us
For we are all that is left
The echo bounces off me
The shadow lost beside me
There's no more need to pretend
Cause now I can begin again

Is it bright where you are
Have the people changed
Does it make you happy you're so strange
And in your darkest hour
I hold secrets flame
We can watch the world devoured in it's pain
Strange
Strange
Strange

The Killing Moon

2008-07-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

Echo & The Bunnymen

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

In starlit nights I saw you
So cruelly you kissed me
Your lips a magic world
Your sky all hung with jewels
The killing moon
Will come too soon

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

The Man Who Cried

2008-06-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

Last night I didn't feel like going to bed yet and it was about 11pm, so I decided to watch one of the movies I got from netflix. The man who cried was about an hour and forty minutes long so it was perfect. I sat in the dark and watched this movie and cried pretty much the whole time. The story is good. I enjoyed the actors, but it was the music that murdered me. Through the entire thing, I was spellbound. If I had more than 11$ at the moment the soundtrack would be mine.

PS Johnny Depp is in the movie and he says maybe 4 full sentences. But he stands there and looks pretty a lot, which is okay with me too. I love Cate Blanchett in this too.

Equilibrium

2008-06-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

Equilibrium is a movie starring the beautiful Christian Bale. It was so good that i had to watch it twice back to back. It's set in a future where human emotion is outlawed. People are given drugs to make them not feel. There are people who oppose this and they are the outlaws. Then there are the Cleric. They are specially trained to find and eradicate these outlaws. Christian Bale plays one of these clerics who accidentally goes off his meds and starts to feel. The story is pretty great and the acting is wonderful and if you are a fan of action, there are some pretty kick ass action sequences as well.

Don't judge the movie by this picture *laughs*

My next netflix movies are going to be PS I Love You and The Man who Cried. I will let you know how they are.

best caption evah

2008-06-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

ACUTE NOSE!

more cat pictures

Awake at 1:30am, reading poetry...

2008-06-01T01:36:00.001-07:00

When I Too Long Have Looked Upon Your Face

WHEN I too long have looked upon your face,
Wherein for me a brightness unobscured
Save by the mists of brightness has its place,
And terrible beauty not to be endured,
I turn away reluctant from your light,
And stand irresolute, a mind undone,
A silly, dazzled thing deprived of sight
From having looked too long upon the sun.
Then is my daily life a narrow room
In which a little while, uncertainly,
Surrounded by impenetrable gloom,
Among familiar things grown strange to me
Making my way, I pause, and feel, and hark,
Till I become accustomed to the dark.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

another by Edna St. Vincent Millay

2008-05-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

I think I should have loved you presently

I THINK I should have loved you presently,
And given in earnest words I flung in jest;
And lifted honest eyes for you to see,
And caught your hand against my cheek and breast;
And all my pretty follies flung aside
That won you to me, and beneath your gaze,
Naked of reticence and shorn of pride,
Spread like a chart my little wicked ways.
I, that had been to you, had you remained,
But one more waking from a recurrent dream,
Cherish no less the certain stakes I gained,
And walk your memory's halls, austere, supreme,
A ghost in marble of a girl you knew
Who would have loved you in a day or two.

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why (Sonnet XLIII)

2008-04-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

A friend sent this to me...

2008-04-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

~W.H. Auden

A Dream

2008-04-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth's day-star?

Edgar Allen Poe

So I read this guys blog...

2008-04-08T16:12:00.000-07:00

He is often obscene, always funny or brilliant... He is often poetic and I have to share on of his. This was from his blog. I am not sure if he wrote it, but I think he did. It moved me.

Extinguished
Just dig up my embers.

The skies are made for this room, this limitless attraction. I'm standing in you and I've beaten these walls relentlessly. If the heat from the fire couldn't burn through that veil of pain you wore with such style, then what good was the fire?
A thousand hearts burned for you, my passion, my muse.

I keep forgetting to blog...

2008-03-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how long its been since I have written here. I am getting lazy in my old age. I come here everyday so that I can look at other peoples blogs and I think "Eh, I'll blog tomorrow." 16 days later, here I am. I have been pretty busy lately. I have been djing 5 days a week for the last couple of weeks. As much as I love it, I get sort of burned out. I decided to take monday off this week from djing in extasia and then filled in at Lounge of Dreams. It's always fun to dj at Lounge of Dreams. There are always a lot of people and it's just a fantastic atmosphere. I was going somewhere with this post, but I have quite forgotten where. So, I will end it for now and when i remember where I was going i will let you know.

Okay I'm bored...

2008-03-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don’t sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the search box.
3. Use only the first page to look for the appropriate answer.
4. Copy the HTML and paste under the question for the answer.

1. What is your name?

2. Relationship status

3. Favorite Color

4. What are you listening to right now?

5. Favorite Movie

6.Where is your dream vacation?

7. What is your favorite dessert?

8. One word to describe yourself...

9. Your eye color is?

10. The last book you read...

11. Night or Day?

12. Oranges or apples?

13. Chocolate or vanilla?

Bored...

2008-03-05T15:20:00.000-08:00

I am sitting at work and i should be working, but I cant concentrate on anything for very long. So i thought that i would blog a little. I was looking at the fashion planet feed and it reminded me of something that i wanted to discuss. I really really really really hate holidays in SL. Everybody and there fucking brother decide they need to make an outfit for the holiday. So it seems like there is nothing but holiday themed outfits for the month leading up to the damn holiday. And what kind of holiday is St. Patricks Day anyway? No one really knows what its about. They just wear green and say "Kiss me I'm Irish" and pinch each other on the ass when they forget to wear green.

Lately, I really really have the urge to travel. I want to leave the United States behind for awhile. I have been telling people lately that I am going to move to Norway. It just seems like a pleasant place to be. I am sort of obsessed with the UK lately too. British accents, scottish highlands and irish eyes a shining...oh my. I'm a nerd. heh.

Sick and annoyed.

2008-03-01T12:27:00.000-08:00

So I have been sick the last week or so and I havent felt like making any new pictures to post. I have shopped as usual. I can't help myself there. I have a bitch. I was looking through the forums and ran across this ad from Digital Knickers. It was for Chained Silk. The av in the ad was wearing nothing but jewelry and these fantastic panties. They look prim. Anyway, there is nothing anywhere on the ad (that i saw) saying what was included. So I went and bought it. It was something like 500L$. To my annoyance, the panties did not come with it. That is what made me want to purchase it to begin with. I think that if you are going to have an ad and wear in that ad something someone could possibly want, you need to state what is or is not included in that ad. That shit just annoys me. /End Rant.

I just cant stop myself...

2008-02-25T19:22:00.000-08:00

Here I am again. Posting pictures of me on the internet. I cant help myself. The first outfit is a fun sort of 80's retro tshirt dress and leg warmers. Who can resist?
The dress is from this great shop called Emery. I bought 3 dresses there and you will see the other two before I am done posting my favorite outfits. The dress is called 512 Street. The legwarmers are from *Shop Seu*. This is another of my favorite stores. They have a bunch of great tights and a few dresses and some cute hair. The legwarmers are called kushukushu kutsushita. I have this love of little flat ballet type shoes. I have about 20 pairs of the damn things. These ones are by Lycee. They are called peko and they come in several different colors.

The middle outfit is a serious mishmash. The top is from kurotsubaki. It's got prim sleeves, but I really just like it by itself. It's called short knit cardigan in brown. The skirt is by Canimal and as you all my know by now, I love canimal. This is the patch skirt. It rocks. The socks i got in this little shop I stumbled upon whilst wandering around some sim shopping somewhere else. It's called -corduroy-. They sell a bunch of furniture and stuff like that and a bunch of cute socks. These are called Catero's leggings. Im all about stripy socks. Okay...these boots. I love love love these boots. they are called Antique boots in brown (I also have them in black). For awhile these were the only shoes i would wear. I have some large calves for an avatar. It is because I have a large ass and to look alright you have to have nice sized thighs, which in turn gives you large calves. These are the ONLY boots I have not had to do but minor editing and that was mostly position. I got them at a place called ::69::. They have a bunch of great shoes and jewelry. Fantastic fantastic stuff!

This last outfit is totally my guilty pleasure. I feel weird going out of my house dressed like this. It so isnt me. But I really really love it. The texture of the dress is so supple and beautiful it's like you can reach right out and touch it. And it looks like it would feel soft, silky. The dress is called Minidress Trinity Silver. I got the shoes in the same shop. They are PlatformHighHeels in white. They do have them in silver, but its a darker silver and these look better. I got both of these wonderful things at a shop called Kitties Lair. They have some fantastic sculpted shoes and boots and great, what i call, stripper clothes. Very worth your time. All of these places.

The hair from left to right is Missy by Truth, Dafnie by Here Comes Trouble or HCT, and one of the best dollarbys I have ever come across, Phoebe by ETD. I got it at Hairspray, I am not sure if ETD is open yet. I have heard rumors that they are. I will check it out soon.

Alright, my lovelies...that is it for me. I am off to do some math, which has become the bane of my existence. I have even dreamed of it. BOOOO!

My favorite outfits continued...

2008-02-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

I love Canimal. I have loved her clothes since i was a wee newb. I have tons and tons of her older stuff. The other day I picked up here Streetwear shorts/mini and I freaking love it. It comes in 3 colors, but I wear the black.

The three outfits here include this skirt. The outfit to the left includes the hood jacket from *DP*YumYum (or Double Paradox). I freaking love this. This little store needs way more coverage. They have some great great stuff. Check out the makers picks...she has several locations.
I have to say, I have this love of tube socks. I always have really. Honestly though, the like of them became love when i would watch my exboyfriend and still bestest friend walk around in his plaid boxers, tube socks and combat boots. yum! So the tube socks come from Sh*t Happens. The hat/hair is something i picked up yesterday in the wee hours of the morning and I simply love it. It's called Divinci Load in licorice and its from Gritty Kitty. Last but oh so not least...the shoes. I saw these on a girl i know in passing and i demanded she tell me where she got them. They are Super Sneaks Platform Hi-Hi tops by MK Fashions. These make me tingle in places best not mentioned in a public forum. They are color change. So one pair is really like 8 or something. So freaking fantastic.

The middle outfit is so much fun i cant stand it. Periodically I get in the mood for bright colors and prints and whatnot. I am smack in the middle of one of those moods. The hair is from Kin. She rocks my socks. I have tons and tons of her hair. It is well made and inexpensive. This one is called Nyoko. I got it in white and colored parts of it red. I also got it in black.

The top and necklace are also from Canimal (see link above). She is definitely rocking my socks. I love the colors. The strawberry pants I got way before I even saw the top from Canimal. I went on a crazy shopping spree at Cotton Candy and got these at miw. (the link is for their bigger store. they are worth checking out.) They are called Juicy Strawberry Leggings and they come in 3 colors. They also come in pants or underpants layer for each color. that kicks ass. And then again there are the Hi-Hi Tops by MK Fashions (see above).

Canimal seems to be the main theme of this picture. The last outfit is helping cure my obsession with yellow. If not cure, at least sooth. The top is the Mmmm lemon! top from Canimal.

If you haven't seen these shoes by now, you havent been paying attention. They are everywhere. I am not immune. They are the amazing Chichi pumps by Maitreya. This is the second time i bought them in this color. The yellow is fantastic and the shoe itself... Let's just say i screamed like a little girl when I saw them. I went right out and bought them and crashed about 3 minutes later and lost them and the slinky stilettos i also bought in yellow at the same time. I was very sad and it was days before I went and bought them again. I am told i should have gone to the designer, but I am weird and shy sometimes, so I just bought them again. They are glorious as is just about everything for sale at Maitreya.

The hair is from a designer of hairs i am really starting to like. This is Missy by Truth. My friend and I went to his birthday party or something and that was my first look at his stuff. Great hair. Lots of clothes that arent my style really, but they look nicely made.

And before I shut the hell up, I realized I didnt mention the ring. This is also a Canimal item and i this its the best thing ever. It's a little frogs head. She has a bunch of different animals, but I loved the little frog.

Well that is all for now. This is a long ass post hahahah. Be well!

More! I am picture happy...!

2008-02-22T22:53:00.000-08:00

This outfit is called Darkest Night. It was also created by my dearest Noirran and sold at Subtle Submission. It comes with a shirt layer and Noir's world famous fishnets. I am loving bright colored tights at the moment though so here I am wearing knit tights in tarcois from Petit Ange. The necklace I am wearing is the best freebie i have ever gotten I think. It was a valentines freebie from Alienbear Design.
I am going to do more and more. I am enjoying the heck outta this for some reason.

Ps the hair is called antie and it's by Truth.

Some more pictures of me!

2008-02-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

Here is another set of my favorite outfits. They are made by Noirran and sold at Subtle Submission. The outfit is called Rattle and Hum and comes in the colors shown. Sexy and retro. Go buy them!

Ps the hair is called kitten with a whip and its by Ingenue.

My favorite outfits.

2008-02-21T17:41:00.000-08:00

I'm really a vain creature and enjoyed seeing pictures of my posted on here so I decided that I am going to do some more. I have decided that I am going to do some pics wearing some of my favorite outfits. I have started with a designer near and dear to my heart. Ms. Noirran Marx. She rocks a sexy dress. Latex...fanfuckingtastic. So here is Kinky Devil, Kinky Candy and Kinky Angel. I love them. I look fantastic in them. You should go buy them at Noirran's store, Subtle Submission.

Oh..the hair is by Cake, the skins on the right and left are Nomine, the skin in the middle is Another Fundraiser skin by *Nuclear Boutique*, and boots are by Minx.

2008-02-19T19:32:00.001-08:00

Okay I am super bored so i am gonna put some pictures up. I love this top. I have it in silver too. It's from Mimikri hot couture. They have some fantastic things there, but this top is my favorite. The skirt is by Kyoot Army. It's the Dead Naga Mini. Freaking fantastic babies. The kick ass fishnets were made by my sweet Noirran Marx, who makes the best fishnets in all of SL. Let's see. The neko skin is by Nomine. It's simply lovely. The hair is by deviant kitties...It's called Avril.
I'm gonna post this and see how it works.

2008-01-31T16:08:00.000-08:00

I'm really not good at this blogging stuff. I have been running around like a chicken lately trying to come up with things to fill my time and distract me from my mental issues. *laughs* I'm an emo bitch sometimes. My friend Rance gave me this great song that i cant stop listening to. It's a cover of the song I'm Real. Originally done by JLo and Ja Rule, it was fantastically covered by Lovage. With Mike Patton singing JLo's part...what could be better?!

I have 34 minutes until this day is over. I actually called in sick this morning due to a doozy of a headache, but was not to gently reminded that it's month end. I came in and did month end, and my head still feels like its going to fall the fuck off. Pardon my language. Pain makes me cuss. Well, being conscious makes me cuss, but I try not to do it in a public forum usually.

Well I am going to go distract myself for a half an hour by trying to do something constructive. Be well my lovahs and I will try to blog again soon. I want to add some pretty pictures to show you. Well...the two that actually read this have already seen them, but if anyone should happen to stumble upon me, I want you to have something to look at.

Apparently I can shut up...

2008-01-03T16:38:00.000-08:00

Holy Moly! It's been a few weeks since I posted here. I am a bad bad blogger. A lot has gone on since I last blogged. I've been djing like a mad woman. I fell in love with a new club and sim. The club, Umbra Penumbra, is the best club ever. The owner Violet has collected a group of the most kick ass dj's ever. Myself included! *laughs* I'm a nerd. The sim is called Atrocity (two sims actually) and it's a fantastic urban build. Again, Violet has done an amazing job creating a place that people want to be. There is a group of people that live there that are funny and fun and crazy. I love being there, so much in fact I rented a little apartment. I like to get on my motorcycle and ride around the neighborhood and see what everyone is up to. My neighbors, Tattoo and lizzy, often have chairs out and a group of people congregated for conversations. Good times, good times. I hope everyone had a happy new year! I know I did. I spent new years eve djing at Umbra. I brought in the central and pacific new year. Before my set, Temple Oe rocked people with a nice punk set. I even got a new years kiss! Hot enough to melt my prim panties (if i wore panties), but I'm not gonna say who. A girl has to have her secrets. Also, the two people that read this blog already know. *laughs and laughs* Be well my lovelies. I will try to jazz this blog up soon.

Tonight is naked dance night and I am in a NIN sort of mood...

2007-12-12T15:51:00.000-08:00

I hope I don't disappoint Mo. He tells me that he loves my sets, but I am not sure if he is down with the nine inch nails. I am sitting at work dreaming of sunshine and a nap when I totally should be working. I am using babel fish to chat with my friend in German and Spanish. He speaks English and is using babel fish to respond. I wonder what we are really saying to eachother. I got nothing left. Maybe I will post some pictures later.

Picture payday and naked dance parties...

2007-12-06T10:15:00.000-08:00

Last night I finally got the courage to give the wedding pictures to Akasha and she LOVED them. I told her to pay me 4k because I felt guilty about asking for 6. Now I have lindens burning a hole in my pocket. I see a shopping spree in my future. I have been having my naked dance parties on Wednesday nights again for the last month or so. It really isnt very successful. When I used to have it, I had tons of people come by and get naked. These days it's just me and Noir and Mo and Geist. I love that they come support me though and they all look freaking fantastico naked. I just wish I had more people to play music for. I love when people get off on the music that I play. It pleases me greatly. Noir says it takes time to get a following, but I am impatient. I did get to dance naked with one of my favorite people in SL though, so that was good.

bloody weddings and the father of the vampires

2007-12-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

First of all, the wedding was postponed. It was last night instead of Saturday night. I get to transylvania like an hour early, because that place will fill up when there is an event. I took something like 147 pictures. It was nutty really. The bride was beautiful. I had to make a quick run to bits and bobs to pick up wedding related pose sets because no one had thought ahead to that. So I get the bride and the groom and the brides maids and the grooms men all up on the pose balls and they decide that Obscuro needs to be in the pictures. Only one or two people actually read this and I know Noir know's who Obscuro is. The father of the Vampires. Ive always thought that his av was ugly, but he has a charisma that is undeniable. So they tp him in and it literally takes 15 minutes for him to find the ball he needed to be on. I am sure this is due to lag and stuff not rezzing, but it was frustrating and hilarious all at the same time. Then when he finally finds the ball, his sit AO kicks in and his leg comes out the groin of one of the grooms men. By this time i have tears of frustration and laughter pooring down my face. So, it takes another 10 minutes or so for him to realize that we are talking to him about the foot issue. He see's himself just fine on his screen. 30 seconds later I have my pics taken. Sheesh. Over all it took almost 2 hours. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. And I am sure that they are going to hate the pictures.

Bloody weddings and paying profile pics...OH MY

2007-11-26T12:41:00.000-08:00

So this weekend I have a job to take pictures at a Wedding. More specifically a Blood Bond. Which is a wedding with blood. I think. I am nervous. I hate doing weddings because I am always afraid that the people won't like my interpretation of their special moments...or some crap like that. The pay day will be nice. At minimum it will be 2k L$, probably closer to 5k. I just hope they like it. I'm a nervous nelly. I wish I could be like my friend Noirran. She is always very composed and confident and knows what's going on. I feel like her slightly retarded friend. Oh well. It's just pixels right. And as horrible as it is to say, chances are the partnering won't last long and the pictures will be burned (deleted). They should just live in sin.

I'm bad with this blogging thingy...

2007-11-21T16:05:00.000-08:00

Not a whole lot has been happening in the world of Zarabella. That was really a self important statement, wasn't it? I guess, though, the whole blog thing is pretty self important. Oh well. Anyways...I have been learning to make clothes. It is SOOOO hard! And SOOOOOO addictive. I can sit for hours staring at Photoshop. It's pretty crazy actually.

Tonight, I am djing. I do a naked dance party in Extasia on wednesday nights at 8 PDT/SLT. Fun stuff. Everyone gets their naked dance on and I play musics and there is sometimes chatting. Tomorrow being a holiday, I really dont expect many people to be there. But the sexy and wonderful Noirran Marx said she will be there, as well as her Partner Mo. They make things fun, so if they are the only ones there, that wouldnt be horrible.

Here it is!

2007-11-15T15:26:00.001-08:00

PS!

2007-11-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

I forgot. My friend Noirran Marx (who is the fantaastic designer for Suble Sumission) created a group for me. It is to notify peoples about my dj gigs and other news or whatever. It's an open join thingy so just search for it in groups. it's called Zarabella won't shut up!

Yeah I forgot...

2007-11-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

When my human got home she had to scoop poop and do dishes and she forgot all about this blog thingy. She was going to figure out how to add links as well as pictures to pretty it up. Then I had to dj and so...yeah. It completely slipped her mind. One good thing about last night was that I got paid for a profile picture that I did for a girl. I got 1kL$ for 2 pictures. I have only done one of the two pics though. Tonight I will work on another one. Also, if my human remembers, I will have her put up the picture I made the other day to show off a little. It is pretty good if I do say so myself.

Hiya,

2007-11-14T12:08:00.000-08:00

My name is Zarabella and I am an avatar in the game Secondlife. I create ads for businesses and profile pictures for other avatars. My friend Noirran, who has the store Subtle Submission, said that I should create a blog to advertise my stuffs. When my human gets home from work, I will add some pictures to make this pretty.