/rant

I’m tired. I’m tired of wanting and wanting and not getting. I am tired of being let down by people. I am tired of even caring. I am tired of worry and stupid people doing stupid things. I am tired of going to school and not knowing what I want to do with the education I am getting. I am tired of being sick and I am tired of being tired.

I just want to go. I want to travel this world and see and do and fuck and sing and explore. I want to meet people who have never been to America. I want to learn new languages by immersing myself in them. I want to stomp in rain puddles in London and see the green green green of Scotland. Nairn, in fact. It’s a golf resort town. I don’t like golf, but I still want to go there.

I want him to whisper dirty things in my ear as we fuck. I want to come screaming under him only to start all over again after a few minutes of gasping. I want to break furniture and make the neighbors sigh with envy. The kind of fucking you need a few days to recover from. The kind of fucking that lays it all bare.

I want to paint and sculpt things from clay. I want to create outer manifestations of the results of all this fucking. Giant sculptures of metal and glass that make people shiver to look upon. Make their nipples hard and their lips tremble.

I want to not be afraid. I want to think that I am capable of doing these things and be fearless enough to try them.