zarabella has an emo

Why do we do the things that we do. We make ourselves slaves to our emotions and give the controls to people that don’t want them. We give and we give until we have nothing left and are left wondering how it could have happened. We are deaf to the internal screaming of others. I look around me and I wonder how I got here. How I could have felt so much for so long and suddenly I feel numb. No.. the emotion is hiding behind the numb. I can feel it back there trying to push its way out. If I let it out I will be worthless to the world. I will just scream and never be able to stop. Scream out all of the frustration and sadness and anger.

My hands hurt so badly today. I think one day they will be useless. Along with my eyes and my ears. I will just be this lump who cannot see or hear or feed itself.

I really wanted to be someone you cared about. Maybe even someone you loved. I see now that that won’t happen. I was a silly little girl trying to find her place. I give up. I back off. I don’t believe in love anymore.

It’s raining today. I have been in this horribly sad mind space for the last few days. It’s annoying. I am sick of myself. But I can’t seem to shake this. I’ve cried more in the last couple days than I have in the last month at least.

I really need to find a new job. I’ve been here for going on 3 years and it’s making me insane. I go through periods where I am all right and then this horrible bout of I don’t really give a shit happens. I’m firmly in the middle of one of those and if I am not careful I am going to get fired and then have no choice in the matter. Also, I am taking 5 weeks off of school. I am so burned out that I cant make myself care about that either. The only problem is that in order to stay enrolled I have to take both classes in the second half of the quarter. That is going to suck. One of the classes is Math. I suck at math. I wonder if I can sweet talk my friend Spike into helping me again.

God I’m freezing today. I need to dig out my winter stuffs so I don’t sit here and shiver.

floaty dicks and cereal rapists...a love story

A conversation with Allias on gtalk.

me: yes but
you are talking to me
so its like i am there
poking you
Nicole: Yus
me: poke
Nicole: Only in a non visible sorta way
me: im a ghost
ooooooooowwwwhoooooooooss
thats my ghost sound
Nicole: feels a poke and looks around and screams "OMG OMG OMG OMG I am SOOOOOOOOOO Moving, it is haunted. HALP! HALP! Who do I call? GHOSTBUSTERS!"
me: hahahah shush yous
no GHOSTBUSTERS can save yo ass nao
Nicole: that sounds like a promise.
me: bend ovah babeh
i was just gonna google something and i have completely forgotten what it was
Nicole: Um,Ghost sex? Would that work?
me: i could make various parts of me coporeal Or however dat shit is spelled
Nicole: Hahaha
I visualize a dick like forming out of thin air and chasing me
me: hahahahahah thanks now so am i!
Nicole: Better than a huge vagina tryin to eat me
me: and your hands are all in the air and youre screaming HALP HALP i has a ghost dick!
oh i laff. so so hard
Nicole: I made our ghost dick convo into a notecard labeled wut do Alli and Zara chat about all day?
me: hahahah
Nicole: I need to start a blog of our silly rampages like that one
But people would be like wtf is wrong with you both
Nicole: Homocidal maniacs and closet creeps
Nicole: I meant to say homocidal maniacs and closet cereeps care about what others think, not that those are the people we care about
me: hahahah
Nicole: clarifies
me: you are crackin me up today
Nicole: I am in a mood
A laughin yet emo critical moody mood with like silly on top
me: thats my mood too. it could tip to emo real easy but im not gonna let it.
and my tampon feels like sandpaper
Nicole: Yus that is why we have floating dicks and cereal rapers
me: hahahahahah now i am picture that floating dick raping a bowl of cereal
Nicole: HAhahaha
Geez now me too
me: take it TAKE IT slosh
Nicole: Then he got a fruit loop stuck
me: hahahahah
i has laff tears
Nicole: Fruit loops, it's just not for eating
me: oh i just had a peewee herman laugh
Nicole: I am gunna forever think of fruit loops as th3e cock ring cereal
me: them has to be some serious fruity loops to be a cock ring
Nicole: Or a tiny peenor
me: see i was just picturing said floaty dick with fruit loops stuck all over it
Nicole: Hey they all can't be 12 inches long and sterile
me: yeah but pencil dick would be generous if it could fit in a fruit loop
hahahah i cant believe i just typed that sentence
Nicole: lul
I am tryin to imagine a man with a actual pencil sized dick
me: this is terrible.
im bad bad
Nicole: I dated a guy once who felt like a pencil and looked like one of the big thick novelty pencils, I keep seein that in my head now
Cause even those pencils are not that big you know
He was Tiny
But I learned to fake
me: ive only ever been with my husband and he had a pretty nicely sized cawk
or has since i dont think he is without it
hahah
Nicole: Lul
You are secretly holding it hostage in a jar
I know it
me: hahahah ewww
Nicole: LET MY PEENOR GO!
me: i almost shot diet coke out my nose. evil
Nicole: FREE WILLY!
me: bahahahahahah
Nicole: Omg wouldn't it just stare at you with its one eye?
me: then it would project its voice into my head like the tell tale penis. budub "lemme go." budum "or fuck me"
eewwww
Nicole: Wow A talking penis
I would tell him STF and you might get some
me: jesus christ. i have sliced my hands open 4 times today
Nicole: STFU*
Eck
Not you stfu, the jar penis
me: hahahah i know
hahahah
i'm going to put this conversation on my blog
Nicole: I mean really, i would do a dildo first, cause a talky penis sounds like it would be the whiney est part of a man
Now if it were a talkin hand, you could screw it and I am sure it would only be half as annoying