Why do we do the things that we do. We make ourselves slaves to our emotions and give the controls to people that don’t want them. We give and we give until we have nothing left and are left wondering how it could have happened. We are deaf to the internal screaming of others. I look around me and I wonder how I got here. How I could have felt so much for so long and suddenly I feel numb. No.. the emotion is hiding behind the numb. I can feel it back there trying to push its way out. If I let it out I will be worthless to the world. I will just scream and never be able to stop. Scream out all of the frustration and sadness and anger.
My hands hurt so badly today. I think one day they will be useless. Along with my eyes and my ears. I will just be this lump who cannot see or hear or feed itself.
I really wanted to be someone you cared about. Maybe even someone you loved. I see now that that won’t happen. I was a silly little girl trying to find her place. I give up. I back off. I don’t believe in love anymore.
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