Monday, March 16, 2009

Where I'm at today...

The sun comes through the window and caresses my face like a lovers hand. I am sitting and thinking about life and how I don’t have much of one and it makes me a bit sad. I am finding my strength again. I feel like I can finally do what needs doing in order to be whole. I still have a half broken heart from a man who, I don’t think, fully understood his grasp on it. I don’t blame him though. I wouldn’t want a broken girl either. That is what I was when I loved him. Broken. My knees are scraped and bruised metaphorically, from begging for him to love me. It’s an ugly thing to look back on. I love him still, for different reasons. He makes me think that there is more in this dirty world than just four walls. He made me find little pieces of myself that I had thought were gone for good. I am gluing them back together with superglue. I wanted to be special to someone, but I have discovered that if I am not special to myself, I am just a broken girl. I don’t want to be standard issue. I don’t want to be just like every other broken girl who wants love. So I do what I can to smother this blackness that seems to shroud my vision at times. God that sounded so emo. It makes me laugh sometimes, how woe is me I can be. I need to remember the things about me that make me kick more ass than anyone else. Because it’s there. It must be.

I make a damn good carrot cake. I try to be kind and I put others before myself a lot. I am interested in how my friends are doing. I make art occasionally. I am good at my job even though I hate it. I can be sexy and sensual and when I love I love with my whole being.

I am sure there is more, but that is what pops into my head right now.


PS. I am going to start doing fashion posts again, for the hell of it.

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