No one reads this blog anyway and I haven’t updated for awhile, so I am going to take this opportunity to rant a little and whine a little.
Why am I always the one who loves more? I am never the priority to anyone and that fucking breaks my heart over and over and over. I know that I give too much of myself. I always have and that is a lot of my problem. I can’t seem to keep from loving with my whole fucking soul. So I get slapped down time and again. Not physically, but mentally I feel like the biggest fucking reject ever. How do I always fall for the same kind of man? In the words of a friend of mine, I always fall for the broken geniuses. And the thing with these kinds of men is that when it’s good and comfortable, it is the best place ever. It is warm and sexy and interesting and good. But when it’s bad, when they are in the midst of one of their “down periods” or something, it feels like a knife to the chest. And maybe that is selfish. Maybe I have no right to complain, but you know what? I need to be a little more selfish. I give so fucking much that it feels like I have nothing left for myself sometimes. I just want to be appreciated and loved. I don’t see how that is so fucking hard.
Yeah that’s enough whining.